The Biz

Thanks to everyone for their lovely and kind compliments regarding Miss J's new hairdid. Despite all the love, Miss J is feeling neither fierce NOR fabulous at the mo'. Miss J has just returned from one of her least favorite activities- the Agent Interview.

Miss J has not had a theatrical or commercial agent in years and years. The reason being that if you have a day job and can't audition for stuff, there's no point in having an agent. Moreover, getting a good agent it no small feat. Even when Miss J was performing sketch weekly, garnering good reviews in the LA Times and LA Weekly, she still couldn't get a good agent. Oh, she was with an agency- they just weren't good. A friend who was in casting once said, "Miss J- you need to get a better agent. These guys...they're not even third tier." Believe Miss J when she says, she tried: letters, showcase performances, postcards- to no avail. To be honest, that part of the business was always Miss J's least favorite. Nothing against agents- it’s the process. Miss J LOVES the process of acting- rehearsal, research, improvisation- it's creative and stimulating. Sending out a bunch of agent inquiries- "Hi, I perform sketch and stand-up and improv and I'm soooo awesome and pretty, pretty please grant me an interview"- well, like Miss J said, not her fave.

So imagine Miss J' surprise (and suspicion) when on Tuesday she received an email from someone from an agency, saying he'd like to see her for an interview. Miss J though it was a hoax. Or one of those scams of, "Oh, gives us a thousand bucks and we'll hire the best photographer in town for you, and give you Special Acting Classes" but, no. Miss J checked them out- they are legit. Although, she was a little dismayed to see they are primarily a modeling agency. Now, Miss J can look hot, but sweet sick jebesus- she ain't no model. Which is fine, too, she discovered as they represent "other types".

Flash forward to this morning, Miss J leaving work for her, ahem, "doctor's appointment", driving close to an hour, wondering if she'd be on time, finally arriving and almost walking into an Actual Model, who was very nice and, of course, so very thin. A gay assistant gave Miss J the ladies room key (YES, of course Miss J was hoping they would ALL be gay men, but no such luck). Next Miss J encountered a blond who reminded her of Glenn Close in "Fatal Attraction". She gave Miss J such a seething once-over that Miss J could almost hear her thinking, "What is this FAT woman doing in the lobby?" Which, by the way, wasn't that nice a lobby- very messy and rundown and small. Very third or even fourth tier. But whatevs- Miss J is just trying to get her foot back in the door.

Miss J was taken to a tiny conference room where she met with the gent who emailed her. She had a good feeling about it- they seemed to have a rapport. He understood Miss J being outta the biz for a while and having headshots that are some years old. OK, ancient. And then he said, "Let me go get my partner," who of course, turned out to be the Glenn Close clone and who managed another seething once-over for Miss J. By now, Miss J was getting the picture that this was just not going to happen. It was clear that the Close Clone was the office alpha, so Miss J does not expect they will see her again. They'll call "by Monday" but Miss J fully expects a cursory, Thanks but No Thanks. Miss J was slightly surprised to discover she was close to tears all the back to the office because she promised herself that this time it would be different. This time, she wasn't going to get all excited and hopeful and starry-eyed. She told herself she'd be OK with them not liking her, she understands that to them she's just a product to sell another product, no big deal, nothing personal.

And yet here it is, that same old heartbreak.

Which of course makes Miss J wonder if it’s worth it. Miss J gets to rehearse and perform with amazing people at Impro. She has been perfectly happy just doing that. Of course, occasionally its occurred to her, "Well maybe I should look for an agent, start auditioning again... aw, but I need new headshots, and I have to work during the day..." and soon it is dropped.

But the truth is performing is all- ALL- Miss Janey has ever wanted to do in the world. She remembers singing along to the radio when she was three or four and wishing she could be the person singing it. And thinking someday she would be. Hell, even with her book, Miss J views it as a performance piece, something she'll read aloud in bookstores everywhere. The worst thing Miss J ever did was quit performing after she and the Mister bought their house. It left a giant hole in her life that she filled with all kinds of negative mischief. And so, why is she only half-pursuing it now? And without an agent, that is what it amounts to.

Miss J called her director and teacher Miss Jo who shared with Miss J some of her own unhappy experiences of feeling scrutinized on-set and feeling as if she doesn't measure up. Beautiful JO? Who books commercials left and right? REALLY? "You really meet all your demons in this business," she said. It was a great reminder to Miss that every actor goes through this. No wonder so many are half-plastic! Miss J felt much better afterward.

So, maybe they'll call, probably they won't. It doesn't matter. The meeting gave Miss J a little bump and she needed a little bump. She's not going to make any of her dreams come true being a receptionist. Yep, she's grateful for her job and the people she works with. But this is NOT what Miss J came to California to do. Time for new headshots. And the next step, whatever that is. And then the next one. So Glenn Close Clone- thanks for the lemons, bitch. Miss J's gonna go make some lemonade!

(Miss J's old headshot... say adios.)