Fearsome Lady Pirate

Here is Miss J as Ringlet Red, a character she once played in a children's show, adapted for a more adult crowd for Halloween. As has been her habit for several years, Miss J worked the door at her dear friend Miss Lola's Halloween Open House. Miss J quickly discovered an amazing thing about pirates: they can say anything and get away with it. One mother did not take kindly to Miss J's remarks about her little pirate son, "Argh, laddie. Ifn you be a few years older..." that's actually as far as Miss J got before Mom said, "OK- we're going!" and whisked the mini pirate away.

And speaking of the little ones, Miss J enjoys the hell out of seeing them all dressed up for Halloween. She loves making them say, "Trick or Treat" before she'll dole out candy, and of course asking to explain themselves when they are costumeless. She does NOT enjoy them so much when she's eating her morning-after-Halloween breakfast at a local eatery and they're screeching loud enough to peel the paint off the walls. Parents- REALLY??? You can't take them the hell outside rather than making the rest of us suffer with you? Miss J didn't have children for a reason. She'd rather not have to endure yours under such circumstances. If you don't want to have to control them, how about at least staying at home?

OUTRAGE

If you haven't seen the excellent documentary, Outrage , Miss Janey suggests you do whatever you can to see it in its entirety. Its currently running on HBO.

According to Wikipedia, "Outrage is a 2009 American documentary film written and directed by Kirby Dick about closeted gay politicians who promote anti-gay legislation. It premiered at the 2009 Tribeca Film Festival before being released theatrically on May 8, 2009."

Normally Miss J isn't a fan of media-launched outings. Its her belief that people should come out in their own time and way. (That's not to say she isn't interested in the lurid details of celebrity sex, even if it is none of her business, but that isn't what she's talking about.) These mother fucking political hypocrites like Larry Craig, who legislate against gays while sneaking off for anonymous gay sex at airports need to be exposed.

Miss Manners

Miss J's recent purchase of George Washington's "Rules of Civility & Decent Behavior in Company and Conversation" has her very occupied with thoughts of Civility & Decent Behavior. Coincidentally, over at Teeny Manolo , part of Manolo the Shoeblogger's empire, Glinda is asking Is Chivalry Dead? And Do Women Want it To Be?

Miss J responds below:

Miss J hopes chivalry isn't dead, for the sake of ALL of society. Miss J holds the door for other women and men because it is right and decent. She doesn't expect someone to hold a door for her because she's a woman, but she hopes they do because she's a person on the planet who deserves at least a modicum of respect. In such an instance both holder and holdee benefit from this small kindness. The holder of the door can be satisfied knowing they did a kind thing for someone else and the person who had the door held for them can be reminded that human kindness is contagious and they can pass it along to the next person.

Miss J is flattered that her husband opens the car door for her just as her husband is happy that she sometimes makes him his favorite: macaroni salad. That Miss J can cook and and wears lipstick makes her no less a feminist- just a human with many interests who refuses to accept the stereotype of "feminist" as someone who can't abide simple courtesy just because its offered by a man. Gracious manners and courtesy to others should be commended and encouraged in everyone.

Civility and Decent Behavior

For his birthday back in September, Mama Janey gifted Mr. J (and Miss J) with a membership to the The Huntington Library. Thanks, Mama! Of course, the Huntington is so much more than a library. Miss J has written previously of its splendors. The grounds are extensive with plants from all over the globe, Japanese and Chinese gardens, and a wonderful art collection. The Janeys have taken to dropping by now whenever they have a free hour or two.

Naturally, there is a gift shop. Last Saturday, Miss J purchased George Washington's "Rules of Civility & Decent Behavior in Company and Conversation". When Miss J was planning her wedding, she became obsessed with etiquette books. She could not turn away from this. According to the foreword, "George Washington exhibited notable manners throughout his lifetime". Too bad so many contemporary politicians have not followed his example! Also according to the foreword, "At the age of 14 G.W. wrote down 110 rules under the title, "Rules of Civility & Decent Behavior in Company and Conversation". These rules were drawn from an English translation of a French book" and blah, blah, blah. Since Miss J can think of nothing else to blog about these days, she will share these rules with her gentle readers, and add commentary as she sees fit.

1) Every action done in company ought to be with some kind of respect to those that are present.

2) When in company, put not your hands to any part of the body, not usually discovered.

Of course #2 interests Miss J very much. You men who insist on adjusting your Man Snake in public, please take note. Ignore the "not usually discovered" part and just keep your hands off it till you get home. Then feel free to lube up and have you way with yourself all night long if you want. Same for you, public masturbators. Miss J once took an umbrella the the wiener of a public pud-puller in Japan. Don't point your stuff toward Miss j ifn you wanna keep it.

LOOK OoouuT! Rocktober has arrived.

Which means, its once again time for the Janey Haunted October Film Fest.

Miss J has improv class tonight but isn't feeling too swell. She's a wee bit hot and clammy... She may stay home and rewatch perennial favorite "The Silence of the Lambs"...

Miss J wrote this about it last year... "Oscar rubbed the lotion on its body in 1992 for Jodie Foster (Best Actress), Sir Anthony Hopkins (Best Actor), Jonathan Demme (Best Director), Ted Tally (Best Writing, Screenplay Based on Material from Another Medium), and Best Picture.

By the way, what a nasty little fashion critic Dr. Lecter is. Would these little quips not get in your head and scratch at your psyche all day long?

“You know what you look like to me, with your good bag and your cheap shoes? You look like a rube. A well scrubbed, hustling rube with a little taste.” At least he allows that Clarice has some taste, but cheap shoes- ouch! If someone said that to you, face it- you’d HAVE to burn those freaking shoes as soon as possible. Because if you didn’t, every time you saw them, you’d hear those accusing and judgmental words.

Later, Lecter told Senator Martin, “Oh, and Senator, just one more thing: love your suit!” Again, the words, and especially the venomous tone with which they were delivered would have rattled around Miss J’s head all day were they directed at her. She can imagine returning home after work and saying, “Well, our daughter’s still kidnapped, and, uh, what do you think of this suit? Is it too mannish?” Then she’d stand in front of the mirror trying to decide if HL really meant he loved the suit of if he was just effing with her. She’d never be able to decide so she’d have to burn the suit, too.

It’s like Jack Crawford said to Clarice, “Believe me, you don't want Hannibal Lecter inside your head.”

Oh, and apropos of nothing, Miss Janey once had a very dirty dream featuring Sir Anthony. Mr. J torments her about it to this day. People will say we’re in love." Since teenage singing sensation Jason was seemingly her only follower to read it, Miss J feels fine repeating it.

OR she may go ahead and go to class and infect all her Impromies with her virus cuz that's what people seem to do these days. This is one of Miss J's pet peeves, especially because another person's sniffles is Miss J's bronchitis/flu. Miss J seems to have NO natural resistance to these things and when she's down with them, stays down forever. Miss J doesn't even feign concern for others anymore. If they're sick and at work, she makes it plain they should not be anywhere in her vicinity for any reason. So do us all a favor, sickies, and stay the hell home. The world won't stop if you're not sitting at your desk.

Speaking of infections... one movie that's in her queue is Zombieland .

The Janey Haunted October... It's ALIIIVE!

Baby's Got A New Pair o' Shoesss

Miss J continues to love and crave all things animal print. As a fad, it comes and goes but for Miss J and certain other interweb friends, it never goes out of style.

Lovely lady and blogger Deja Pseu at Une Femme d’un Cetain Age frquently blogs of her love of animal prints as does gorgeous blogger and jewelry designer Wendy Brandes . In fact, if you're in the market for some leopard, go to Miss Wendy's site (you should go anyway). She's got a link to a to-die-for Patrick Kelly dress.

May I Speak to the Person

Miss J has been plagued for the past week by annoying telemarketers. Sorry if this is your job- it must suck. Hey, Miss J tried it too back in the day and lasted about a week. Chances are if you are calling complete strangers and NOT offering them free money, they do NOT want to speak to you. And they will tell you so in very unpleasant terms.

Miss J is no different. These calls are a nuisance. Moreover, it is a big part of her job as receptionist to keep these annoying calls from reaching the People Who Matter at the investment firm where she works. Of course, another requirement of her job is that she be nice while sending them away.

This past week telemarketers have been asking for "the person in charge of corporate action or human resources"- two completely unrelated things, btw- a huge tip-off its a sales call. When asked for more desciption they respond, "May I speak to the person in charge of finance?" Miss J can just see them, headset in place, eyes glued to their script, not daring to go off-book, just moving down the page, moving down the page, trying to get a name, trying to get a Person Who Matters on the phone.

They're not calling from America. Miss J isn't sure where they're calling from- India, Indonesia- some place where American jobs have been sent. And in this case, its no wonder. No AMERICANS want this work. It has to be hellacious. And its bitches like Miss J who make it so.

The day the calls started, there were probably sixteen of them. All with that little overseas delay followed by the same pitch, "May I speak to the person in charge of corporate action or human resources?" Something so completely vague one must spend time getting more information just in case it IS a called that's wanted here. And it was a busy day- lots of REAL phone calls, meetings, lunches being delivered. Miss J was soon at her wits end with these bullshit calls. Finally, Miss J asked them to stop calling. Of course they didn't. Then she started questioning one of the callers. The company is called "International Tek" (SO bogus!) or something or other... When Miss J asked to speak to a manager, she was given a phony name and number. By day's end, the gloves were coming off.

Some gal called, gave the usual speech. "May I speak to the person in charge of corporate action or human resources?" Miss J explained she'd asked the company to stop calling. The girl replied, "I'm not going to stop calling." Miss J was all, WTF??? Are you kidding me with this? "Well, then, I'm hanging up. Good-bye." and Miss J hung up.

Bitch called BACK! This went on for about two minutes. Miss J hanging up, bitch calling back. Finally, when Miss J was about to tear her hair out, she picked up the line and heard one word, "Beetch." Then nothing. The girl hung up.

Called all the way from India just to call Miss J a bitch... Miss J is a cross-continental bitch. How many people can say that???