Miss J's Idiot Round Up

Seriously, some people are really out of control.

Erroneous 911 Guys


Mountain Lion Molester

Blog Shout Out

Miss J has just discovered the very amusing Ream O Rama from which she lifted this picture.

Sistergirl

Miss Janey's Sistergirl has quite the way with words. Miss J has long encouraged her to keep a blog of her own, but she has a real job with lots of responsiblities and little time to play on the interwebs. Thus Miss J takes it upon herself to share some of Sistergirl's witticisms:

"L & I are supposed to go camping
some weekend but have postponed until
heat breaks. Am going to her house for
part of weekend. We're supposed to go
to a crab feast @ the brother's of her old
neighbor. Frankly I have misgivings; her
neighbor was a bit neck-y in the couple
of times I met her. Already told Linda that
if's it's a frigging yokel fest, we're out of
there.

YOKEL FEST!!! Please begin working this into the vernacular immediately. Miss Janey will start:

The mere presence of that hick W




turns even a state event into a yokel fest.









Please feel free to add your own.

PS.. Florida is a great place for a Yokel Fest .

Pesto

Miss J has an abundance of basil...



And while it's too hot to cook much...



It's not too hot to fill a food processor











and sterilize some jars...



And put that basil to good use.

A Shout Out to Miss Janey's Peeps

Dear Tiger Yogi, Jason, Thombeau, Qb Fox, Citizen Jane, Elizabeth, Jeff, La Belette Rouge, Pop Feminist, Sageweb, Mrpeenee, Muscato, Chilly Mama, Slip of a Girl and all others who read but don’t comment, ie Miss J's relates, (Miss J apologizes if she missed anyone),

Thank you all for reading and for your kind feedback to Miss Janey’s (long) short story, Miss Janey’s Jewels. The story is the centerpiece to Miss J’s novel-in-progress of the same name. Indeed, it was the first chapter she wrote, though it isn’t the first in the book. Not good planning, for sure. What started out as a collection of short stories Miss J was sure she would quickly finish evolved into a novel, the writing of which now seems endless.

The story is semi-autobiographical fiction; some of the events are real and some are made up to serve the story. Miss J wants to be clear about that right from the start. She doesn’t ever want to get on the bad side of the force that is Oprah.

The Lots

Big Lots has begun stocking their fall decorations. Halloween goodies can't be far behind. Whoohoo!

Date Night

The Janeys had a big ol' date planned last night. Miss J's hair- well- it speaks for itself, no?

Heeding the advice of her old agent from Japan to, "Doing something sequins!", words that forever reverberate in her head, Miss J wore her black J Crew sequined tank top

and her strappy, rhinestoned sandals. (Sorry for the ugly foot picture, but damn Miss J loves these shoes. They hurt like hell, but she takes it. THAT'S love, bitches.)


Off they drove downtown to The Edison for dinner and some burlesque. If you check out their website, you'll see that its wicked cool and gives the impression of being a very chic spot. And it is, sort of. Its just not what the Janeys were expecting. Firstly, they were misinformed about there being burlesque. "That's on Wednesdays," the hostess sniffed. Second, the Janeys were expecting a supper club. The Edison is pretty much just a really cool bar trying to give the impression its something more.

The Janey's reserved "table" was the size of a dinner plate stuck in a corner between two wing-back chairs beneath a blaring speaker. The hostess assured the Janeys a waitress would be by shortly, but none ever appeared. Meanwhile, the hostess and various other employees, including a manager, kept walking by without getting the the Janey's order. The bar was three-deep and after a long day at work, the Janeys weren't willing to brave it. Moreover, isn't that what waitstaff is for? And why offer reserved tables if there's no table service? It was all very confusing the the Janeys. After twenty minutes of being ignored, they blew outta there.

Since they were downtown, they decided to roll old-school and headed to Morton’s . Ahh, Morton's- you know its old school because Frank Sinatra is playing and the host is in a tux. Service-wise, its the polar opposite of the Edison. First of all, they noticed that the Janeys were there. Beyond that, the staff was polite, attentive, knowledgeable about all their products and capable of very amusing conversation. The importance of good convo cannot be underestimated.

After some wine, the Janeys began to relax. The waiter Jose and his trainee Lindsay brought some bread and butter, delicious butter. Miss J is a butter fiend, and this butter was the best she'd ever tasted. Was it from teats of magical cows? She continued to molest it all night. Mr. J was beside himself. "Are you going to take it home?"

"Oh, can I?"

No doubt he imagined Miss J's arteries clogging even as she sat there. But good lord, it's an occasional thing. It's not as if she lives on butter, eating butter sanwiches with hot buttered rum and buttery buttered biscuits. (Sweet sick jebesus- wouldn't that be the life???) Since they were at Morton's they ordered gi-normous NY strip steaks and baked potatoes. They'll be eating the left-overs for the next 14 days. Mmm, steak for breakfast, steak sandwich for lunch...Believe it or not, Miss J used to be a vegatarian.

For dessert, they ordered souffle. As they waited for it, there was the sudden clamor and crashing of a tray being dropped.

"I think that was our souffle," Mr. J said.

"No way, man."

Yes way, man. Of course it was the Janey souffle! The curse of the Edison was still upon them! A rush a hosts and waiters crowded the table with profuse apologies and offers of free stuff. Whoohoo! The curse if the Edison lifted, the Janeys ordered a gratis round of drinks and another souffle. And guess what Jose stuck in the doggie bag? Yeeea, boy- the sweet buttery butter.




"Give Miss Janey your butter or she will eat your soul."